Ladies Don’t Like Sensitive Guys, But They Love Jerks…Why??

Attributed Prashant ZI

Nice guys finish last. Yes, you’ve heard it, but is it true? You bet it is. Nice guys will never win with the women. But why? Why is it that after the ladies continuously says that they want a sensitive man, that sensitve man will usually lose the girl? Why is he the one always left thinking, what just happened? Here’s a shocker for you. Women don’t want a sensitive guy; they want a guy who knows how to be sensitive.

See, it all stems from the proclivities of the female psyche.  In the human being we relate to the world by our perspectives. Our perspective is only a filter stringing out only the information that we have programmed ourselves to look for. But when it comes to the natural God-given tendencies of both men and women, our perspectives are ingrained without our doing.

For the woman, this natural filter occurs in explaining what she wants in a guy. It’s important to understand here, that it’s not really about him but more so about her. When she speaks of what she wants in a guy she is speaking through a filter of security, a state of feeling safety. Now this is overall safety. This safety includes her entire being. From her physical, mental, and emotional (it’s common to leave out the spiritual which is most important however).  But to feel safe this guy has to prove that he is trustworthy with her all.

This is where the “sensitive guy” stuff comes in. Women are emotional and they know that. When used in “reason” and I use that word loosely, it’s a beautiful thing. Its God designed. Therefore, she wants to know subconsciously, guy, can-you-be-trusted. When she comes home after all the jerks at work run her nerves into the ground can she depend on you to be caring and “sensitive?” When she watches a movie that sparks her emotions, will you be, sensitive? Sounds easy right? But guys, here is the fallacy that men make. Most guys will be and do anything to capture the woman they desire, that even means falling prey to being the nice guy. But where guys go wrong with this is that, they stop being men. Yeah that’s right. In her eyes being emotional and too sensitive makes you look soft, so security flies out the window for her. Now, you’re just a good friend! She can’t depend on you with her all.

She may say she wants a sensitive guy but she means I want a guy who can turn on the sensitivity when I need him to be sensitive and turn it off and be a man afterwards. Yep that’s it guys. That’s why the jerk usually get’s the girl, because he definitely isn’t sensitive and she’ll take someone who is more assertive than a sensitive guy any day. Subconsciously she knows what she needs, and that’s a man who she can trust won’t make her feel insecure about her feelings, but will meet her halfway. Then go back to being himself. This also leads me to say that guys also know what they want subconsciously. Men speak through a filter of respect. So when he describes his dream woman, he ultimately wants a woman who he feels will respect him.

Just as women aren’t attracted to an overly sensitive guy, men aren’t attracted to overly aggressive women. He’s not intimated by her strength, he just isn’t attracted to it. Subconsciously it’s a turn-off. Just like the guy who should learn how to turn on the sensitivity and turn it off, women should learn when to turn on the aggression and when to turn it off. I know, I know, the corporate world doesn’t respect feminine qualities. But that’s the world, not your relationship. The guy you’re with, trust me, he loves feminine qualities so embrace them ladies. And back to the guys. It’s okay to be a man. Just know that the nice guy will always finish last.

SN: God created women to be problem solvers. The nice guy wants to do everything right. So what problems does she have to solve when there is none? (This is especially bad for the guy who has no vision for the future.). What, there is a problem?! It’s the sensitive guy? Wait! She solved the problem? She dumped him!

Mending A Broken Heart

What’s the difference between our hearts and a slab of concrete? Really there isn’t much difference. Our hearts are made up of what we truly believe. In our hearts lie our true convictions. It’s important to realize that we are not born with a heart; we are only born with the capacity to have a heart, and to build a heart. Of course I am not referring to the heart beating in our chests, but I am speaking of the one that is a part of our minds. It’s the place that says, “Hey no one can tell me that the sky isn’t blue, this is what I truly believe.” We build our own hearts, and God has given us the tools and material to do so.  We build a heart for that special person. We build a heart and then we share it with that person, similar to building a house and then sharing your house with that person. Ever heard someone say, “I gave you my heart,” essentially they are saying I sacrificed an important and valuable part of myself so that you will have a special place to stay.

Naturally, our hearts house those things that we feel strongly about and consider to be true. Sounds like a relationship right? One thing that we have to understand about a heart is that it is easily broken. Our hearts are a part of our minds and we know that our minds are powerful. Let’s say we have built a heart for someone, meaning we have built something to house our truths about them along with our strong feelings towards them. Now what if something happens where what we believed to be true really isn’t true. This can happen if someone has lied or has done something not becoming of their character. Our hearts say, “Well, my only duty was to be a house to guard your truth, but now since the truth is not really the truth then what do I have to guard?” After this discourse, our heart we have built for this specific purpose of guarding and storing this specific truth is no longer needed and it expires itself. It cracks and crumbles; it breaks.

I had a summer job a while ago laying concrete slabs and breaking and removing concrete. The correlation that I saw was that laying concrete is easy. It’s the breaking up of concrete and removing that is hard. This kind of work will definitely cause you to perspire. The same is true for our hearts.  It is easy falling for someone, but it is hard to break up with them and extremely hard to remove them from our thoughts. Also this kind of work will cause our souls to perspire in the form of tears. The eyes are the windows of the soul, and this is true. Tears are a form of purging the soul. A broken heart is simply a broken mind-set. What we had our minds set on as being true has since been broken by the impact of falsified truth.  How is a broken heart or a broken mind-set mended? It all depends on the attitude towards the work. We can either work to pick up the shattered pieces diligently in forgiveness and move on to the next job or we can remove the old pieces and lay down a fresh slab. However, we don’t want to feel like the victim. There were times when working I could’ve said, “What is my boss thinking making us remove this heavy concrete in this heat?” We can say, “What were they thinking doing this to me!” The best way to get through work is to have a positive attitude no matter the justification and the pain.

*If you find this interesting I have a book coming out that will expound on this subject more*