Ladies Don’t Like Sensitive Guys, But They Love Jerks…Why??

Attributed Prashant ZI

Nice guys finish last. Yes, you’ve heard it, but is it true? You bet it is. Nice guys will never win with the women. But why? Why is it that after the ladies continuously says that they want a sensitive man, that sensitve man will usually lose the girl? Why is he the one always left thinking, what just happened? Here’s a shocker for you. Women don’t want a sensitive guy; they want a guy who knows how to be sensitive.

See, it all stems from the proclivities of the female psyche.  In the human being we relate to the world by our perspectives. Our perspective is only a filter stringing out only the information that we have programmed ourselves to look for. But when it comes to the natural God-given tendencies of both men and women, our perspectives are ingrained without our doing.

For the woman, this natural filter occurs in explaining what she wants in a guy. It’s important to understand here, that it’s not really about him but more so about her. When she speaks of what she wants in a guy she is speaking through a filter of security, a state of feeling safety. Now this is overall safety. This safety includes her entire being. From her physical, mental, and emotional (it’s common to leave out the spiritual which is most important however).  But to feel safe this guy has to prove that he is trustworthy with her all.

This is where the “sensitive guy” stuff comes in. Women are emotional and they know that. When used in “reason” and I use that word loosely, it’s a beautiful thing. Its God designed. Therefore, she wants to know subconsciously, guy, can-you-be-trusted. When she comes home after all the jerks at work run her nerves into the ground can she depend on you to be caring and “sensitive?” When she watches a movie that sparks her emotions, will you be, sensitive? Sounds easy right? But guys, here is the fallacy that men make. Most guys will be and do anything to capture the woman they desire, that even means falling prey to being the nice guy. But where guys go wrong with this is that, they stop being men. Yeah that’s right. In her eyes being emotional and too sensitive makes you look soft, so security flies out the window for her. Now, you’re just a good friend! She can’t depend on you with her all.

She may say she wants a sensitive guy but she means I want a guy who can turn on the sensitivity when I need him to be sensitive and turn it off and be a man afterwards. Yep that’s it guys. That’s why the jerk usually get’s the girl, because he definitely isn’t sensitive and she’ll take someone who is more assertive than a sensitive guy any day. Subconsciously she knows what she needs, and that’s a man who she can trust won’t make her feel insecure about her feelings, but will meet her halfway. Then go back to being himself. This also leads me to say that guys also know what they want subconsciously. Men speak through a filter of respect. So when he describes his dream woman, he ultimately wants a woman who he feels will respect him.

Just as women aren’t attracted to an overly sensitive guy, men aren’t attracted to overly aggressive women. He’s not intimated by her strength, he just isn’t attracted to it. Subconsciously it’s a turn-off. Just like the guy who should learn how to turn on the sensitivity and turn it off, women should learn when to turn on the aggression and when to turn it off. I know, I know, the corporate world doesn’t respect feminine qualities. But that’s the world, not your relationship. The guy you’re with, trust me, he loves feminine qualities so embrace them ladies. And back to the guys. It’s okay to be a man. Just know that the nice guy will always finish last.

SN: God created women to be problem solvers. The nice guy wants to do everything right. So what problems does she have to solve when there is none? (This is especially bad for the guy who has no vision for the future.). What, there is a problem?! It’s the sensitive guy? Wait! She solved the problem? She dumped him!



Filed under Training Table: Food 4 Thought

2 responses to “Ladies Don’t Like Sensitive Guys, But They Love Jerks…Why??

  1. Marie


    I happened to come across your blog in the midst of looking for an old friend. Nevertheless, my interest to read your blog was sparked by the title and after reading; I was compelled to respond with my unsolicited viewpoint.

    Getting to the point, I can completely relate to you title and point of view. But, as you know that script can be flipped. Some women (including myself) feel men don’t like respectable women, but they love erratic drama queens.

    I agree with some of your statements. Many good men as well as good women are casted aside for those who are not spiritual, less respectable and lack sensitivity. Go figure! But, let’s talk about the “sensitive guy”. You are right; women do want men who are sensitive in all the areas you mentioned. However, “a good woman” would not misinterpret that as being soft. And yes, we want a man who offers security. Security really means having our backs. Let me explain this from a personal aspect. I am a strong woman but I do fall weak. Security to me means being able to talk about issues knowing that the man in my life main focus will be to work at resolving the problem(s) because the bottom line is getting through it together. Or, for issues he can’t control, security is knowing he would allow me to be weak and be sensitive to that need and just hold me so that I can feel his love, strength and lack of euphoria. Simply stated, security in a relationship is knowing a man will stand in his God given role and lead in the best way he can. That is security to me. Soft, in my opinion is a man who breaks every time issues occurs, this may include shutting down, extensive arguing, bailing out and constant threats of letting the relationship go. This behavior only makes matters worse and causes a woman to withdraw and determine that she has to stand strong and get through every issue along. In this event, the woman no longer sees the man as one of strength to the point his embrace offers no comfort, for it only comes after the storm. This is what you call a fair weather relationships/marriage.

    On the other hand, a “drama queen” usually wants a man she can manipulate to do want she wants. Often, she plays the game of persuasion which may include attacking a man’s lack of sensitivity. This happens when there’s something she wants to gain. She usually don’t fight for the relationship but only fights for what she wants and once it’s obtained, the relationship is no longer in jeopardy. Again…fair weather. Most men who choose the drama queens are often looking for damsels in distress that they feel they can save. And, most women who choose jerks are looking for some form of security (positive or negative).

    But, are you…am I….are we to blame the people who treat us in this manner? No, because we are at fault as well. We ourselves have overlooked and bypassed good people for who we’ve wanted…either by looks, status, sex, and/or for whatever. I can attest to…again from a personal stance, good people stay in bad relationships too long. Why? Because the “good” individual usually fights and hold on through prayer that things would get better. I believe people who desire deeper spiritual relationships often place their own needs on the back burner for those lost in themselves. But, can we save them? I’ve learned the answer is, No. But, can we lose ourselves and some parts of our spirituality in these relationships? Absolutely.

    CTR, a good woman who would love a spiritual, sensitive guy may be under your nose (church, work, school, etc.). And, the same goes for me. The questions is, are we ready to depart from our comfort zones and take a chance, and not judge as we hate to admit we do? We need to stop thinking we are good for this person and starting asking ourselves…Is this person good for me?

    Unsolicited Advisor

  2. “Some women (including myself) feel men don’t like respectable women, but they love erratic drama queens.”

    “Soft, in my opinion is a man who breaks every time issues occurs, this may include shutting down, extensive arguing, bailing out and constant threats of letting the relationship go.”

    Sis, you have just described a “Lost Boy”, a male who hasn’t matured pass instincts gained at puberty, and who is also lost, not knowing how to be a man. Both manhood and womanhood is an art form that isn’t taught and is hard to find because there are so few teachers. The guy who wants the drama queen is trying to fulfill an innate need of wanting to feel “needed” as you aptly put, (“Most men who choose the drama queens are often looking for damsels in distress that they feel they can save”) but search in the wrong places to fulfill that God-given need just as the women wanting the jerks as you’ve also said. Absolutely true. At large the problem between men and women is communication. We, men and women, communicate differently but we constantly make attempts of proselytizing the other in an attempt to get them to adapt to our doctrine of commuication.
    Meaning, we know what we need from our significant other, but relating that need is difficult to express. It is like someone speaking German and we have no clue what they are saying. Imagine the frustration that comes from this from both sides. So we communicate the best way we know how. Taking the time to truly understand what “they” need from “us” is key, and not to do so from our own perspective because it will not match up or make sense to us.
    The reason that I am saying all of this is because the true issue from yours and my standpoint is communication. All of what was said in my post and your insight is only the fruit of one root, an err in communication. Nonetheless, it is good to see one indivdual who has the wisdom and understanding in this issue. You have awesome insight and I thank you for sharing that. I encourage you to continue the be the strong woman you are and keep your standards high. God bless.

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